Don't Want To Be What I Am
by IAmImperfect
Summary: "Yeah..." It was time to spit it out. "They all think I'm gay..." Beck was a ladies man. Beck always had at least a couple girls on his trail. Beck and gay did not connect in his mind. If you had suggested that Robbie was gay, and then he'd have understood where it came from, it wasn't as if nobody had suggested it before./ Or, sometimes rumours hurt, and sometimes they heal.


Beck came tearing around the corner, his clothes showing of damp patches, and his hair slicked back with a visible layer of sweat. Robbie glanced up from his locker, hearing the approach of Beck's sneakers on the floor.

"Help me!" Beck's voice came out in pants, as he grabbed Robbie by the shoulder. Robbie picked up his pace to match Beck's, not really having much of a clue what he was doing, and was soon having trouble with his own breath. Together they turned the corner, people's gazes turning to follow them, and barely disguised laughs followed soon after, as people recognised the pair.

Beck clearly knew where he was going, even if Robbie didn't. He wasn't stopping, hesitating, or looking back, until they were outside Hollywood Arts, and past the car park, a little bit alone the road, and into a side road, which was completely deserted.

It was a pretty nice road, all in all, with houses maybe not as modern as the ones the two boys lived in, but lovely all the same. It still didn't make sense why Beck had dragged Robbie out of a crowded corridor, before third period, and made him run far too much for Robbie's liking.

"Rob, you have to help me…" Beck panted out, and Robbie wondered how long he'd been running for.

After taking a moment to catch his breath himself, Robbie replied quickly. "Help you with what?"

Beck just froze for a moment, before running his hand through his hair, with a worried expression on his face. Robbie already missed Beck's smile.

"They um… they um… um… they think… um…"

A faint red was starting to drift onto Beck's cheeks. Robbie didn't think that he had ever seen that before. If there was one thing that Beck was, it was collected. It was actually one of the few things that annoyed Robbie about Beck. Jade got mad, Tori got worried, Cat got hyper (or depressed), and André got incredibly stressed incredibly easily, but with Beck… nothing. His fish died? Nothing. His parents almost divorced? Nothing. His girlfriend broke up with him? Absolutely nothing in the slightest was visible on his face.

And now, he was blushing. Surprisingly, it looked natural on Beck, almost like a glow on his already amazingly handsome face.

But why on Earth was he blushing in the first place…?

"Um… Rob, hello?"

God, Beck had stopped talking for a moment, and then Robbie's eyes seemed to glaze over a little. It was an awkward thing to say, to tell somebody.

"Yeah…"

It was time to spit it out. "They all think I'm gay…"

Robbie stopped for a moment, and then he wanted to burst out into laughter. After all, Beck was a ladies man. Beck always had at least a couple girls on his trail. Beck and gay did not connect in his mind. If you had suggested that Robbie was gay, and then he'd have understood where it came from, it wasn't as if nobody had suggested it before.

He got scared sometimes, lying in his bed at night, and realising that before he slept it wasn't Cat that popped into his mind, it was Beck. He didn't want to be gay. Gay seemed like a curse to him. It meant that you would always be mocked and ridiculed. It meant that you could never be normal. It reminded him of the names he'd gotten called in Middle School.

_You have a puppet? Can't get a boyfriend then, Robbie?_

And then the glances he'd gotten buying his make-up, and even Rex… Rex's nagging voice. He's arms felt emptier than normal, and suddenly, his brain clicked that his puppet was still hanging on his locker, probably creeping out the students passing by.

"What!" Beck, gay, never on Earth.

Beck sunk to the ground, his head in his hands. He didn't want to be gay either. He had built up this image of a ladies man around him, and he didn't want it to crack. He had always promised himself he would be a better parent than his mother had been to him, and a better parent that Jade's father had been to her, and a better parent than Robbie's mother had been to him. But there was no doubt at all, he wanted to be a father. Being gay took that possibility completely away from him.

"They've worked it out. In the entirety of Hollywood Arts, I've dated two girls, Jade and Tori."

Robbie's brain clicked slightly, and he realised where this had come from. Jade and Tori had gotten together a week ago. They seemed happier than Beck had Jade had ever been, even in the very beginning of their relationship, even in their honeymoon stage.

"They think that you were covering for them…" Robbie said, his voice quiet, as he joined Beck on the ground.

"Yep. They've decided that it's the reason why I don't like all these girls that have been throwing themselves at me. I can't get away from it all, it's there, all the time. Someone hissing after me 'You know Beck's gay…' and the responding comment 'Yeah, you never would have guessed, but it make sense… it takes a real lady to fix their hair.' Then the laughter trails across them all. They're laughing at me. They keep laughing at me. All the time, everywhere I go."

Beck placed his head in his hands.

"And maybe…" Beck looked absolutely sick, as if he was going to throw up, his colour gone from his face.

"Robbie, help me." His voice was strained, as if it hurt even to speak, and his voice showing the way he held back his tears. Beck was deathly scared.

"How…?" Robbie asked. There wasn't a lot that he could do. There wasn't anything that he could do. You can't take anything back, once it's out there. He couldn't imagine what Robbie felt like.

"I don't know."

Robbie's arm slipped over Beck's, holding him, the way he never thought that he would ever be holding Beck. He never thought he would ever be holding any boy the way that he was holding Beck right now.

Sometimes, he never thought he would be holding anybody. He had been told, that when a child grows up, having it drilled into him that his parents didn't love him, didn't care, that the child will always think that nobody will love him. And maybe that was true, because since his mother left, nobody had.

But…

"Why am I here?"

"I don't know."

Beck didn't know; he didn't know anything at all right now. All he knew was that he had to get out of it all, out of the snickers. He had to get out of it all, and in his brain it seemed obvious that Robbie must come with him. Robbie was a great friend, always there for everybody. He didn't think Robbie had ever had a bad word to say, although Rex had enough for just about everybody.

And, there wasn't anybody else that he could imagine here with him, Jade and Tori didn't have any time for anybody but each other, Cat wouldn't understand, and André, with the way he looked at Cat, he would never have been considered the slightest bit gay, Robbie was someone that he had had to deal with before. He knew how it felt. And this just felt so natural, Robbie's arm around his shoulder.

Beck immediately felt scared at the feelings surfacing inside of him.

_Beck didn't want to be gay._

Robbie smiled slightly as his eyes met Beck's, and then his stomach dropped.

_Robbie didn't want to be gay._

Their faces drifted closer to each other, their lips just an inch apart, and a smile formed on Robbie's face. And then they were kissing, Beck's hand in Robbie's mess of curly hair, and Robbie pulling himself tighter to Beck.

Beck had kissed a million girls a million times, but nothing made him feel the way he felt right now, kissing Robbie, like there was no tomorrow. Robbie's glasses slowly rose up his face, and landed on the floor, as Beck's tongue entered Robbie's mouth.

Neither of them were worrying about being gay, neither of them were scared. The only thing in their mind was each other, the moment.

How could being gay be unnatural, how could it be wrong? How could it be anything other than perfect? They pulled away for a moment, and just stared at each other, gasping for breath.

"What just happened…?" The words trickled out of Robbie's mouth.

"I don't know."

And then they were kissing again, just as passionate, just as strong. And when they had to go, Robbie came back with Beck, and when they mocked him, with their badly whispered words, and maybe Robbie wasn't putting his arm around Beck in public, and they weren't kissing together, because there was still something inside both of them, that didn't want to be gay.

And with Robbie by his side, being gay didn't seem quite so scary anymore. And with Beck by his side, he could finally imagine a family with them. And even if Beck didn't have the guts to do anything but ignore the rumours, inside he could accept it a little bit more every time, and realise their ignorance, and one day, they might not be kissing in the corridor, but under a big white arch.

_**Okay, so this was my first Slash oneshot, so I hope I didn't screw up too much. This is for the contest at The Topaz Awards, so go check that out as well. It's a slash or crack Contest, and we always need more of them, so go ahead. (You know, I say that every time and nobody ever does).**_

_**And how about reviewing as well… maybe?**_

_**Forever Failing Better**_

_**PerfectingImperfections**_


End file.
